Friday, April 1, 2011

BREAKING: Second NFZ Imposed by International Community

This morning the United States fired 112 Tomahawk missiles in the opening stages of an internationally supported effort to impose a No Fly Zone on the song "Friday," by Rebecca Black.

The strikes are the latest move by the international community to contain the song, which has been wreaking havoc over the ears of the international community since its release February 10.

Earlier this month, the US Treasury Department froze Friday's assets in an attempt to limit the cereal intake of the singer, Rebecca Black. Treasury secretary Tim Geithner highlighted the importance of the move, noting that "Black has stated previously that she's 'gotta have her bowl, gotta have cereal.' By denying her these assets, we are taking strong steps to put pressure on the song." There was no word as to whether the Treasury would limit school busses as well.

But the response has been harsher in the international community. Speaking before parliament earlier this week, British Prime Minister David Cameron called the song "a threat to the progress of Chasing Pavements, by Adele."

Response to the song, which has over 1.3 million dislikes on Youtube, has been mixed in Washington DC. Speaking to the Senate Foreign Relations Committee yesterday, Defense Secretary Robert Gates said that imposing a no-fly zone would be "complex and involve a prolonged engagement by US forces. This isn't just air-dropping earplugs, guys."

Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Admiral Mullen agreed that limited aims were better during his engagement last Sunday on Meet the Press, telling host David Gregory, "Ousting Black is not the goal at this point. Our concern is with her 13 year-old friend driving a convertible, and with those lyrics which are particularly heinous. We understand that when a songwriter composes lyrics like 'partyin' partyin' / fun fun fun fun' that action is necessary. However we believe playing a support role is best at this point."

UN Ambassador Susan Rice has been forward in calling for a no-fly zone. "I mean seriously...'Yesterday was Thursday / today it is Friday.../ and Saturday comes afterwords?' We have a clear imperative to act." Analysts have linked Rice's adamant tone to her role in the US response to the emergence of the song Waterfalls by TLC in 1995.

Meanwhile, in the song itself, tension remains high. The song has stated, "kickin' in the front seat / sittin' in the back seat / which seat can I take," a clear sign of it's expansionist aims. A similar tone has been taken by an African-American man in the video who appears to be in his early 40's. In a statement delivered from a car, the man expresses the song may soon resort to drastic measures, noting "Fast lane, switchin' lanes." He warns, "Makes tick tock tick tock wanna scream." Sources have indicated the man may attempt to defect to Great Britain.

Perhaps most disturbingly, the song ended its latest remarks "looking forward to the weekend," a well known reference to the post-messianic age described by Ayatollah Khomenei. In a similar statement last year, Iranian President Ahmedinejad stated, "We look forward to the weekend in which Israel is erased from the pages of time." It is unclear whether Hizbullah has any linkage to the song at this point.

No comments:

Post a Comment