Sunday, April 1, 2012

GOP To Run Candidate In Egypt's Elections

The Republican Party made shockwaves around the Globe today, April 1st, when it announced intentions to run a candidate in Egypt's presidential elections.

Its choice for the race: Sarah Palin.

"Sarah is a strong woman with a can-do attitude," RNC Chairman Reince Priebus explained to reporters this morning.  "You all wondered why she wasn't running for president here in the United States.  Well, today, you have your answer."

Palin expressed excitement about the bid, brushing off concerns she was disliked by most of Egypt's citizens.  Speaking to David Gregory on Meet The Press, Palin excoriated those making such claims saying,  "This is just a typical hummus-job by the lamestream media.  The Egyptian people have a good friend in Sarah Palin, and I have a whole lotta expertise on the country.  I've seen pretty much every movie featuring Omar Sharif.

As President, Palin expects to be able to see Cyprus from her house, and promises her press statements will be issued in Hieroglyphics as well as English.

For their part, Egyptians expressed concern.  "We spent days camped out in Tahrir and overthrew Mubarak for this?" asked 24 year-old Ali Moussa.  "If she gets elected, I promise you there will be hundreds of thousands of people in Tahrir chanting, "As-shaab yureed isqat al-Hockey Mom."

The Muslim Brotherhood expressed cautious optimism.  "We believe Khairat al-Shater will be a strong candidate for the presidency.  However, we still have some concern, given that his legs are not nearly as nice as hers," explained the group's leader Mohamed Badie.

Field Marshall Tantawi could not be reached for comment.

Back stateside, U.S. Republican presidential candidates expressed support for Palin's run.  "Sarah will be a fine choice for the Egyptian people," former House speaker Newt Gingrich told a crowd in Milwaukee.  "She's one of the most intelligent, smart, no-nonsense, and value-loving people in the world.  Second only, of course, to me."  

Rick Santorum also supported the move.  "For the past 5,000 years, there has been a slow decline in the role religion plays in Egypt.  Now that the Pharaohs are gone, religion is under attack.  President Obama let this happen on his watch."

Frontrunner Mitt Romney also expressed excitement.  "I hope to host President Palin at my place in Giza.  It's literally a pyramid that I bought.  It also has an elevator for my camel, which I fired.

Elections in Egypt are scheduled for May 23-24 of this year.

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